*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
Incident Jokes
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:
1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.
2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.
3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).
When does a pentagon only have 4 sides?
When a plane hits it.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
What do you call a trash bin for 9/11?
Osama Bin Laden.
Why were the Twin Towers scared for dinner? Because their mom said, "Here comes the airplane!"
I was about to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was too plane.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
When does a Pentagon have 4 sides? When it's intercepted by a plane.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."
Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.