Im jokes

Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

What do butts say?

"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You told me I'm ugly, nah, you look like a monkey!

"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he replies.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

I'm tired of seeing Mal's joke the second I open up the site. It's not a bad joke. I'm just tired of it.

What did Daveon say when he saw a spider? "I'm Dave-on with this!"

Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!

Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

Bro told me this when he passed away.

I’m “Fading.”

"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"

"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.

I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.

I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."

What do eggs use in war? Eggk47s get my yolk this is really cracking me up!

They’d probably get shellshocked, wasn’t it all eggcellent? Ok, Ok, I’m headed for the egg-it.

Why did the new egg fell so good? It just got laid.

Wanna hear a construction joke?

Nah, I'm still working on it.