Im Jokes

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.

So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."

Hi stone, I'm watching.

I'm no astronomer, but I’m pretty sure the Earth revolves around the sun... not you.

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

Im so special

A Lego character is displayed with the text: "Me asking my dad how I got 100% on the Autism Test even though I didn't practice for it: ...because you are The Special."

I'm sorry, orphans, that you're getting bullied. Oh, I have to go, my MOM's calling me. We're going on a road trip to go to a FAMILY reunion!

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Okay, I'm going to be sharing a story that I never shared before... Look in the chat to see the whole story.

I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.

What did the cat say when he got mad?

I'm hissed!

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.

The emo kid said, "I wanna die." But the quiet kid said, "Nah, I'm gonna die myself, bye!"

What did Joe Biden say when he got pulled over?

I'm just a-Biden the law, officer.

Bully: "You are so stupid!"

Classmate: does nothing.

Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.