Im jokes

Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!

When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Like if I'm fine-ish.

Why do I tell bad jokes?

I'm a lesbian.

I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

I'm going to piss on the floor.

Read if gay.

Aha!

Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

I'm Batman.

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

I'm in school shooting. #USA

I'm throwing an orgy for people on antidepressants.

Let me know if you can't cum.

I've Benin there.

I'm Ghana go.

I've got to Togo.

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Little Johnny said to his mate, "I bet I can make you swear." His mate said, "Good luck." So Johnny told his mate that he slept with his sister. His mate yelled, "I'm gonna fucking kill you!"