If jokes

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?

"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."

If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.

If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"

If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.

If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?

If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?

Two swallows.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.