If jokes
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
Why do trans women go by she/her?
Because if they went by her/she, they'd be Hershey's.
If you hate pedophiles, grow up.
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
get this one guys
This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?
Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?
You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?
If I had 10 dino nuggies and Jamal tried to take one, I would have ten dino nuggies and Jamal's head.
if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."
If an orphan takes a photo... Well done! It's a family photo!
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
They can't say no if they're unconscious.