If jokes
If someone calls you dirty minded just say:
"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?
Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.
A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.
The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."
The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."
Is it incest if it’s out in the open?
Or is it... outcest?
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
If Silver Surfer and Iron Man teamed up, they would be great ALLOYS!
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.