If jokes

A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"

Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.

The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

Is it incest if it’s out in the open?

Or is it... outcest?

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

Roses are red, violets are blue, if you take Kirby’s food, he will stab you.

If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.

Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.

(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)

If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.