If jokes

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*

Me: Yea-

My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*

Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.

If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldn’t stand up?

So if you are bored, punch an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

Bestfriend @3am: I love you.

Me: Love you too.

*wait whatttttttttttttttttttt*

I don't know if this is funny.

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.