If jokes

Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

Son: Why, Dad?

Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.

If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?

Non-profit wh*reganisation.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?

If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.

On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?

Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."