If jokes

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.

Guess what? If your mom ever wants to have sex with you, tell her to make another.

There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!

Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!

This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.

Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,

He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!

I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!

Meanwhile...

there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....

Easy pickings...

Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,

DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!

Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie

The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...

LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...

every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)

WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

What would good be if it was a place?

It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!

In Mario, it is called a Zoomba, but if it was real, it would be a boomba.

Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...

I think Jesus is broken.

Jacob Wheet, if you don't understand, look it up.

What do you call the most fucking racist and obnoxious country in the fucking entire fucking omniverse? NORTH AMERICA!

And if you disagree just 'cus you're American, I don't give a fuck, you low life cunts. Plus, if you don't think you're racist, um, hello people? Motherfucking George Floyd!

How do you know if a rapper's broke?

When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.

If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.

If you swallow gum, it will make your poop bouncy.

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

If 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, why is 10 scared?

(10 is in between 9/11)

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Esteban.

Esteban who?

If you do not open the door, Esteban you!

If you're ever bored, hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?