If jokes

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."

"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"

Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"

The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."

"What the FU***** SH**"

Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.

What happens if you mix a dick with a potato?

You get a dictator dic-dick-tator-potato!

If you read this, your life is a joke.

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Naughty little Ariana Grande needs to be fucked like the whore that she is. Join this chat to see if you agree.

This is for the people who love her body and want to fuck her.

Read the directions.

1. Type how she makes you feel.

2. Type how you would fuck her.

3. Any type of sex is aloud.

4. Remember to send pics as well.

5. Enjoy.

Joke page for people of all ages. If you want. Please make jokes about her. Enjoy.

All-star gay mix

Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.

Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.

So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.

It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.

The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!

Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.

What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...

An abortion.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

If the broccoli said, "I look like a tree," then what did the mushroom say?

"I look like an umbrella."

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

What would be Joe Biden's name if he was an orphan? "Joe."

If you are homeless, get a home.

If you look at this joke, you are going to meet a Catholic priest tomorrow.

Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.

What do you say if you are raped once but feel raped twice?

"I was raped raped."

If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you don’t know how to braid, hit that follow button, let’s gooo!

If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.