If jokes

If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?

"Ghost Musterd."

If your hot dog taste like a piece of wood, who you gonna call?

GHOST MUSTERD

Why can’t an orphan play soccer?

If he can’t find home, he can’t find goal.

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

If I worked for Edexcel, I'd give Caroline Flack an A* for her physics experiment.

Comment anything if you like what you saw with Gwen in her bra!

Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

If I had a loonie for every degree I have, I wouldn't have a loonie.

A twin engine has two engines.

If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.

I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.

Hi, this is a good prank I did.

So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA

(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)

Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)

During a show, I once asked the crowd if they were pro-guns, and the majority belted out in approval.

I asked a man in the front row why he was pro-guns, and he gave me the basic “personal protection liberty 2nd amendment” hooplah.

Very seriously, I told the crowd, “I’m pro-guns because I enjoy living in a world with only four Nirvana albums.”

My friend was the only one who laughed.