If jokes
What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?
Glockamole.
If you hate pedophiles, grow up.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.
It worked really well in my local hospital.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
When I'm peeing in a toilet I don't pee directly into the water. I pee on the curved part of the bowl beside the water because I figure it splashes less, but when you're peeing that close to the edge, the sporadic tiny offshoots of pee become a greater threat.
I'm not sure if the accumulation of these offshoots is greater than the potential splashback from peeing mid-bowl. It's possible that I'm thinking about this too much, but it's also possible that I'm not thinking about this enough.
If your name is Caleb or Connor, you have a problem.
If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.
If I missed something, I'll give it to you. If you taked it, you are a mistake.
Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.
What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."