If jokes

I asked my girlfriend if we could try my rape fantasy last night. She said no. It was the best night of my life.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?

Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

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    • What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

    A toothbrush.

    Most of the people here: That's not funny, lots of people died.

    Bruh, why are you in here if you can't take a joke?

    There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

    Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.

    🎆 New Year's Eve

    Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

    Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

    Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"