If jokes

If a fly loses its wings, is it now a walk? Wait a minute, I found out a mind blower. So the 🌎 is the 3rd planet from the sun, doesn't that mean all countries are called the 3rd country of 🌎? If I get 10 likes, I'll do one mind-blowing fact daily.

If the sun is in space, then why is there light on Earth, but not in space?

If Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country is a 3rd world country?

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.

So if you say a bear shoots children, and Leah likes Mason Boswells, and I go to Benjamin Adlard year 6.

A rich guy and a poor guy have their wedding anniversary on the same day. They meet each other at the shopping complex.

The poor guy asks the rich guy, "What'd you get for your wife today?"

The rich guy replies, "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes."

The poor guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can return it in her Mercedes."

The rich guy asks the poor guy, "What'd you get for your wife?"

The poor guy says, "I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich guy asks, "Why did you get two gifts for her?"

The poor guy says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go f*** herself."

If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.

The kid just hangs there.

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.