If jokes

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.

I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War

"If you want to win swiftly, camp the enemies' spawn."

- Sun Tzu

"If you can't win, lose."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Like if you are straight; comment if you are LGBTQ+; dislike if you are a Nazi.

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

Kid 2: No!