If jokes

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."

Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.

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    • If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

    Years of child support!

    If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

    Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

    What is a yellow dog Libertarian?

    A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽

    If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

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    • I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

    If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.

    @ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.

    Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

    Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

    If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?

    Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!

    Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

    Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

    Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

    If a girl jumps off a cliff, some people call it suicide and some call it girl power, but I call it BULLSHIT.

    If your uncle Jack needed help getting off of a horse, would you help your uncle Jack off a horse?