If jokes

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

If the Grinch was an average white thotty b.... girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6LmcrJq6oo

If the Grinch was an average black girl: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYzLo8vjSqI&has_verified=1

This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

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    • I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!

    Broccoli is like anal sex.

    If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

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    • If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

    Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!

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    • If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!

    So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.

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    • A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.

    If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).

    If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

    In Washington D.C.

    What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!

    I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!

    Joke 1) 9/11 was such a tragedy... Two drunk people drove a plane into a building.

    Joke 2) If 6-2=4, why are there no more towers?

    Joke 3) Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the World Trade Center.

    Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

    Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

    ...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

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    • So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you." in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says, "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says, "Cool, let me try!" and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says, "Superman, you're an asshole."

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