Identity jokes
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
Why are blind people gay?
Cause.
Dario is gay.
If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.
A guy goes to Starbucks and asks, "Hey, if I can make you laugh, I don’t have to pay." The girl in the window says, "Okay." The guy says, "A little boy named Timmy lost his arms." The girl says, "Oh no!" The guy says, "And his dad left him when he was 4." The girl says, "Uhh yeah." The guy says, "Okay, I guess I’ll be paying then." The girl asks, "Okay, and what name will that be under?" The guy says, "Timmy, I’m Timmy."
You're gay, Amon.
"Ur mum gay..."
Sorry wrong person.
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
Who is the king of Reddit?
Sam Ryan.
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
nOnBiNaRy TrAsH
I'm a nonbinary trash can.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.