Hygiene jokes
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
What's the worst thing to hear in a prison shower?
"Drop the soap, we've got you surrounded."
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀