Hygiene jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

What's long, hard, and slimy?

A bar of soap.

You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

Kid: Licks money.

Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.

Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?

A man walks into a restaurant. The waitress hands him a menu and it says: "Hot dog: $2, Hamburger: $5, Blowjob: $10."

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"

She says, "Yes, I am."

He tells her, "Good. Can you go wash your goddamn hands? Because I want a hot dog."

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?

Shampoo.

Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.