Hygiene jokes

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

How do you punish Helen Keller?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

Kid: Licks money.

Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.

Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!

When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!

Later!

Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣

What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?

Shampoo.

Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.

What do feminists and tampons have in common?

They're both stuck-up cunts.

A good bath is like a dead lover.

You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.