Hygiene jokes

What gets wetter as it dries?

A towel!

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?

Putting the nappy on afterwards.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

Yo mama so fat, she uses a mattress as a diaper.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet?

"You look flushed."

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."

She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."

Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?

They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?

Bubble 007.

You smell like a monkey, and you might have to take a shower, pu.

So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

In Alabama... How do you know your sister is having periods? Your dad's penis tastes like blood.

Why did an Indian cross the road?

To take a shit.