Humor

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

A cardboard belt is a waste of paper.

How ISS greets their friend.

"You the BOMB!"

There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?

They hit their nose on the wall.

What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?

His elbow.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.

It’s all about execution.

What is Mr. Incredible's biggest fan now called? Down Syndrome :)

Mooning is very astrological!

What do monkeys and gorillas love to listen to?

The Monkees and Gorillaz.

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

Why did the pen stop writing?

'Cause the pen wasn't very dependable.

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.