Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?

My penis.

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  • Two skeleton brothers are talking.

    1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

    2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

    The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

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  • What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

    Same time next month?

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  • What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.

    My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

    How do you stay warm in a cold room?

    You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.