Humor

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Don’t worry, it’s too long.

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Josh: Tell me something funny.

Mark: My life.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?

Fetus Deletus!

How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?

Apparently not enough to impress him.

All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.

Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.