Humor

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.

Why did Joey drop his ice cream?

He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)

You. You're the joke.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A nectarine.

Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.

I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."

I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Don’t worry, it’s too long.

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Josh: Tell me something funny.

Mark: My life.

I like wine how I like my woman.

4 year old locked in a basement.

Question: Why can't you trust a tree?

Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"