Humor
(Non-edgy joke.)
Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?
A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.
If you punch an orphan, they can't do anything; they can't tell their parents.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
I tried to get my blood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside.
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
Who is funnier, me or Gwen?
John Toberty is not funny.
John is not funny.
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
Don't ever say your life is a joke because jokes are actually funny.
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?
Mike said: I don’t know, what?
Jon said: Kinder surprise.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Your momma's so dumb, she took her driving lesson on a dinosaur.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.