Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Humor
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?
The wheels on the chair go round and round.
What is a gay person’s favourite meal?
Willy con carne.
Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
What do you call a guy named Kaiden?
I don't know, lol.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?
"Here Comes The Airplane!"
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
That joke didn't land well, did it?
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joem.
Joem who?
Joem Ama.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome on the beach?
A baked potato.
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
What did Michael Scott say to someone when he passed a plate of vegetables?
Boom! Roasted!
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
