I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song?

The wheels on the chair go round and round.

Your mum is so fat that when she walked past the television, I missed a whole series of SpongeBob.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"