Hows jokes
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Memes
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
How to not exist: Kys.
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
How do you know if an Asian is a failure?
Figure it out, because they'll all tell you their parents said they were a failure from birth.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
When you see an orphanage bully, remind them that no matter how powerful they are, they will never be as strong as their dads... Oh wait, they don't have a dad.
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"