Hows jokes
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
It's true though
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N