Hows jokes
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do his essay.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to update to Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds.
An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf, and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
How do you know someone has Down syndrome?
They're doing better than you.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
When Ant-Man is the size of an atom, how can he breathe?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
Wanna know how I got away from Iraq? Iran.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."