Hows

Hows Jokes

Baby

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

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  • Emo kid

    How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

    To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

    You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

    Manual

    I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

    9/11

    Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

    A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

    Man

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

    Chinese people

    Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?

    A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.

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  • Human

    How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?

    Turn on the gas chamber.

    Blonde

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    5

    4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.

    Car

    Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

    Bag

    How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?

    As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.

    Pencil

    Do trees pee?

    How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

    My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

    Me "OH NO" 💀

    Cake

    Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

    Depression

    How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb?

    5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

    Marriage

    Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

    Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

    Loneliness

    It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.