Hows jokes
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
Did you hear about how that deaf man got a ticket?
It's ok, he didn't either!
What’s one thing Obama proved during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he’s still going to have the cops on his back.
How to not exist: Kys.
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
Into little Nazis.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.
How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
How do mountains see? They peek.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.
- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
- Oh...that might actually be even easier.
How did the cannibal know the girl he was eating for dinner had COVID-19?
She lost her taste.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
Q: How do you punish a blind person?
A: Give them a gun and tell them it's a hairdryer.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain? He could feel it in his bones!