Hows jokes
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
Free will is like having a vagina. You don't need to know how to use it, and you don't need to know what it does, but what matters is that you have it.
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
How do blondes play real-life Jenga?
By stacking humans.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?
By the rings around it.
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
How do you know a gay guy has been in your house?
There are speedos in the microwave.
How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?
Power off his chair.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.