Hows jokes
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How can you make a orphans hand bleed?
Real them to clap until there parent come home.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."
So I said, "But which one?"
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By rearranging the furniture.
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
I like my women how I like my fridge.
In the kitchen.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.