How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
Howe Jokes
How do trees calculate square roots? They use log-arithms.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it!
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
