Howe jokes
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Memes
It's true though
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.