Howe jokes
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Memes
"but age is just a number" 🤣
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Why don’t orphans know how to use a phone?
Because they don’t know where home is.
A teacher says, "If you have one dollar and your parents give you 5 dollars, how much do you have?"
Everyone raised their hands except for a little girl in the front, but the teacher called on her anyway.
The girl said, "My parents left me, so I would have one dollar."
Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."
How do mountains see? They peek.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
How did Aby get away from Mr. Ryan in Iran? He ran!
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
How does the zebra cross the road?
The zebra crossing.
Has anybody noticed that the New York City football team is the New York Jets? They sure know how to scare the Twin Towers.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
What's the difference between YouTube adverts and orphans?
Most get skipped no matter how interesting they are.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.