Howe jokes
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”
Memes
It's true though
How can toilet paper decorate your house?
Shit sticks everywhere.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
How do you know if there's a vegan in the room?
Wait 2 minutes and they'll tell you.
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
How was the slice of cheese 🧀 doing in the kitchen?
Cheddar!
Why aren't apple chargers called apple juice? Also, how do you throw away trash cans?
Man: Cow milk is drinkable.
Other man: How do you know that?
Man: *smiles with milk all over mouth*
Other man: John...h-how do you know that!
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.