Howe jokes

Fish

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

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  • Skeleton

    What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

    Memes

    Orphan

    So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.

    School shooting

    Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

    Emo

    - The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.

    - How did the gay person die? Homicide.

    - Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.

    - When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.

    - I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.

    - I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.

    - How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.

    Sandy Hook

    Warning, this is dark.

    How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.

    Orphan

    How do you know when an orphan is lying?

    When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

    Suicide

    A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"

    Self Harm

    My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

    And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

    Suicide

    A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

    The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

    Fear

    How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?