How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
How do you blind an Asian? Put a windshield in front of them.
How do Americans learn the metric system? 9mm at a time. problem is sometimes it goes straight through their heads.
Want to know how you make any salad into a ceasar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it.
How do you make the world’s greatest Harlem Shake?
Throw a flashbang into a room full of epileptics.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
F*ck off! You won’t bring it back.
How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?
Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
How can you tell when a comic passes gas? Something smells funny.
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
How do you get a squirrel's attention? Act like a nut.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?
The psychologist will thank you for coming.
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
