How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles
How do you know your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!
Raju: How about you, Sunil?
Do you know?
Sanju: Sunil is my long distance
is a brother.
Raju: Long brother?
Sanju: Yes, because I live in Ratnagiri and he lives in Nagpur.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family. Right in front of his stupid face.
I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.
Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."
How does a skeleton call his friends? ON THE TELE-BONE!!!!
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
