Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.
How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.
How many cats are in the human body?
None, unless you're Asian.
How Many Communist Does it take To Change Lightbulb? Never Enough
How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
You know how many people said, "This ship will never sink?"
They jinxed it by saying "never sink."
A man walks in to the doctor.
He says, "Doctor, I need a new butt. Mine has a crack in it."
Doctor: How many times do I have to tell you!!!
You wanna hear a joke?
Two Emos hanging out under a tree.
How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
How many guns can an octopus hold?
9
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
Q- How did hellen kellers parents punish her? A- They put a plunger in the toilet
Q- How many kids did Hellen Keller have? A- None the plunger went all the way up
How many East Asians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Tu.
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
