Holiday jokes
I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
It's the season of giving, so I'll be giving up!
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
What is an orphan's least favorite holiday?
Christmas, they wish they'd get parents.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"