I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.
"I wish I was either Christmas lights or a mistletoe."
"Why?"
"Because I want to hang!"
What did the Turkey say to the other Turkey?
"They forgot the stuffing!"
What’s an orphan’s least favorite school event? Homecoming!
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
I replaced "Jingle Bells" with "Jiggle Balls"... "Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on jiggly balls today!"
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
