Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Why did the NBA remove the glory hole from the men's locker room?
Too many black basketball players sucking too many white cocks before the game.
What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?
Norwegian massage.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
Where was Stephen Hawking buried?
In a black hole. 😂🤣
I tried to have phone sex once.
But the holes were too small.
Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”
Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.
Me: I have no bullet holes.
Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.
Me: Ayo what the fuc*.
Why is there a hole in Uranus?
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
What’s your favorite food? Chode in the hole?
Why did the golfer change his pants? In case he got a hole in one!
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Why do golfers always bring a spare pair of pants?
Because they always get a hole in one!
