Hit jokes

Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?

Adolf Hit Her.

What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.

Life is never hard until you get hit hard with reality.

Why did the orphan get kicked out of baseball?

They couldn't hit home base.

Why does Michael Jackson like to play golf?

He likes to hit small white balls.

Pro tip kids, you CAN hit an orphan because they can't cry to their parents!

You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.

Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?

You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

If you don’t know how to braid, hit that follow button, let’s gooo!

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.

Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"

Trump: "Screw the women and children!"

Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

Yo mama so fat, when she jumps, NASA says a meteor hits Earth.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.