A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
Jake had sex and broke her hymen, guess he’s Jake the ripper.
America: I'm going to build a wall.
Nazi: Been there.
Soviet Union: Done that.
What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.
What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
Do you know who invented paper?
Cai Lun!
“RIP” Cai Lun.
Balalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
What was King Tut's favorite coffee?
De-coffin-ated.
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It's been a while since the last presidential assassination...
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.
