What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
Why do Japanese people hate Christmas?
Because the last time a "FatMan" went down their chimney they lost half of their population.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do you call a pregnant slave? Buy one get one free.
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted āHi Hitlerā and gave him a little wave.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We canāt go over it, we canāt go under it, we'll have to go through it.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
What do bicycles and slaves have in common? They both use chains to work.
Where did Hitler send kids with ADHD?
Concentration camp.
Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.
Why couldnāt most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded?
I can Nazi!
