History jokes
You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"
You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What do Michelangelo and Hitler have in common?
They both used their brain to paint the ceiling.
I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.
He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.
People are pushing for a new black Lady Liberty coin. I can't wait to use black people as currency again.
What were the terrorist of 9/11 thinking?
We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, we'll have to go through it.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
Watching the 9/11 documentaries, just watching a kill cam.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 who? You said you would never forget.
Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?
Because it flew over their heads.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.