Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.
High school crush: why do you always look so sad? Me: my mom is dead and my favorite grandma and my uncle killed both of them and now he's in jail. High school crush: shit. Sorry about that. Me: and my crush hasent asked me out. High school crush: who is it Me: you Him: goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back) Me: fuck that
The Cheerio Joke
Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was badlsed on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your cheerio which is the Chocolate cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines. So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes. The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there want a punch line."
IN AUSTRALIA, MY JOKES ARE HIGH KOALA-TY
i was at the club and thin my Dad walked up and said your 15 why are you high and at the club so i ran then my uncle was at the car and took me home so i was grouned then my boy friend came bc my parents wet out and we had sex and we where very loud my dad came home and walked in he had my bf pin me agenst the wall so my dad could spank me
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.
What do you call a dictionary on drugs?
-high definition or addictionary
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot high piano player? He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish. The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf as all he got was a 12 pianist.
I have a cow over my house spending the night with me because she has been out in the streets homeless and poor so my family force it to come and live with me at my place. The cow ask me where do I keep all the dairy items like the milk cheese yogurt and meat? In the refrigerator where do you think i keep on the farm with all the rest of those cows? That night we had to share a room and sleep in the same damn bed then she starting getting high and drinked some cow wine with titty milk and it made her shit all over the bed.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.
ijolfjosd
