High jokes

Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.

Peter: "Hi Jack."

Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"

Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"

Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"

Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."

When you breathe.

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.

To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."

He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...

The steaks were pretty high.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and asked if she wanna. Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and they had a little fun. Stupid Jill forgot the pill, now they have a son.

Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

What did one plane say to the other?

"It’s been a long day, I’m ready to crash."

Other plane: "No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!"

How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?

Chew when you swallow!

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition or addictionary.

My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.

A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"

The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."

The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."

The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."

"I am. But the steaks are too high."

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.