My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
my brother wanted to go fishing i told him he had to learn how to master bait go look it up on youtube guess who is grounded
A man sees a small boy begging for money He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks "what gave me away?"
The man responds "your parents"
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
How did the Indian suicide bomber blow himself up He pressed the red button
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.
Why was the chef embarrassed. He saw the salad dressing.
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys pants were half off!
Mexican runs into a wall. He loses hope.
One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes. So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady. Like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance
My friend asked me how fast my humor was and I said it jumps borders then he asked how dark my humor is and I said it picks cotton.
Kobe ended so many games with threes now he ends his life with trees.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount, I served in the war?" The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?" "Nein," said the old man.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore
Because he has holes in his feet.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby out the window? He was airing his blanket.
