Hes jokes
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
Memes
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he heard boys' pants were half off!
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
Why was JFK stupid? He only had half a brain.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't comin'.
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.