Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Hes Jokes
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
A cock really has a sad life. He's hairs a mess, his neighbor's an arsehole, his best friend is a cunt.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
'Cause he doesn't want to be spotted.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.
He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.
I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"
She said, "He was a little tardy."
I replied to her, "I thought they all were."
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?
He can't drink and drive.
Why was Santa happy?
Because he had 3 hoes.
When the South Tower saw the North Tower collapse, he said, "I'm still standing."
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
