Hes jokes

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Why was Santa happy?

Because he had 3 hoes.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"

Because he needs to pick your balls.

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

He sing, he dance, he he.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?!"

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

Neither has he.