Hes jokes
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! π€£π€¦ββοΈ
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
Memes
Me when the underpaid cinema worker says he doesn't want to clean up this mess
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.
He said it was the most violent book he ever read.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.
Oh, I just love talking to orphans.
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldnβt stand up?
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldnβt climb up the stairs to heaven.
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. ππ€£
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
Why did the orphan try to get hurt?
Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.
He looks around, no one is there.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
Why does Sans say "I got a bone to pick with you?"
Because he needs to pick your balls.
I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.