A man was mowing his lawn when blue and reg stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
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“So I asked Genie if he could grant me this wish, I wished to be like Michael Jackson, the next day I was in a playground full of little kids.”
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
About the guy who gave Stevie Wonder a cheese grater.... He thought it was the most violent book he'd ever read....
Oh no I feel bad for Steven Hawkins he can’t get up the stairway to heaven
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.
The bartender shakes his head, and says.
"Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms. Knock Knock who's there not bob
Why was the boy crying? He had a frog stapled to his face.
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What’d the fox say when he was asked to describe his wife?
“Hottie hottie hottie hoe!”
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
Guys we shouldn't make jokes about 911 my dad was a victum he was the best pilot in Arab
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie. I responded "yes" and he said: "okay, 14159"
why dose Michael Jackson have such a hard time playing chess? he cant choose between black or white.
what do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter whutcha call him he ain't comin'
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
Give a man a match he will be warm for hours Set him on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life
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