Hes jokes

What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?

A "glad-he-ate-her".

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.

Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?

He doesn't like commitment.

I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.

I was playing football and this guy comes to me, he was in a wheelchair.

We started playing rocket league.

It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.

What do you call an orphan family photo?

A selfie.

But wait, what family? He never had one.

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

Why does JD Vance have strained diplomatic relations with Turkey?

He took away their ottoman!

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."