Hes jokes
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Memes
Why was the orphan so successful?
They told him, "Go big or go home," he only had one option.
"I think my draco might be gay. Why? 'Cause he blow niggas."
Nardo Wick
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
What was Michael Jackson's answer to the parents of the little boys who were left with him when asked why does he do it that way? Tell them that it's human nature.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?
Because he was 2 squared.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?