Hes Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are to sharp."

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one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that??

Y did Steven hawking die he didn’t pay his electricity bills

Why did the dog 🐕 join the marching band?

Because he had his trum-bone.

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why didn't the skeliton cross the road? a. because he didn't have the guts to do it

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger. Mommy is that Uncle Joe?

Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?

Because he’s a fungi.

How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.