Hes Jokes

My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?

A "glad-he-ate-her".

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

Why did a minister who is a Christian nationalist and a bisexual man give anonymous blowjobs to physically handicapped gay men under the handicapped stalls inside the men's restrooms at a rest area?

He wanted to eat footlong hotdogs for lunch at the rest area, but he wanted a sample first (taster).

Why?

A man and a woman are lying in bed next to each other. The woman is looking at the man and thinking, "I bet he's thinking about other women." The man is looking up and thinking, "Why is a pizza box a square, the pizza a circle, and the slices are triangles?"

"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They can’t find home.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."