Hes jokes
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Hey, do you know who Dragon248 is? No, who is he? He's dragging these balls off your face.
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
Trump got a new jet.
He's probably already licked the windows.
Trump wants people to think he's a great golfer. But the only handicap he has is a mental one.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.
He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.
Why did the gay guy say the n word? Cos he's retarded.
Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.
That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
I heard P. Diddy got a job as a defensive coordinator.
He’s used to penetrating aggressively.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.